Those Moments

There are things that one can hear, by chance, that have an impact on thoughts floating around in one's mental atmosphere. I have had a hard time as of late wrapping my head around moving back into this space. Existing in space that was previously occupied by a Jocardo that doesn't exist anymore. It is hard moving back after being gone for a couple of years. At first, I felt like a failure because I decided that I no longer wanted to do the NYC thing. Technically, I am not a failure. I completed my program, graduated with my Masters degree and experienced things that have helped me become more complete. I just held close to my heart the excitement and joy that I finally got out. I left my hometown behind and was this new and exotic person. I thought that is what made me fun and interesting. The guy that would visit from NYC. Now I am back and I am no longer a Visitor, I am a Resident. It's a hard transistion but through Grace I persevere.
Now I sit at the Cincinnati Public Library, Main Branch Downtown, writing. I have spent the last week cooped up at my parents, minus the times I went to: 1) Lunch with my Mom and Sister, 2) Ran an errand for my Mom or Sister 3) Picked up my Mom and/or Sister and 4) Job Interview. Two years ago I sat here with Jess, studying for my ever important certification tests for NYC. Yesterday gone, today remembered.
My mother keeps asking me whats wrong. She says that it seems something is not right. Of course, she would be 100% correct. I don't want to be in Cincinnati. I am afraid some of my specialness has gone. I know, silly, but it is how I feel. I'm 33, living at home and feeling quite stuck in the mire. I need to pop out of it and bty Grace, I will. It is just where I am residing now. I haven't really talked to Misc. back in NYC because I really don't know how to explain how I feel. Sometimes I just get like this and I just get stuck. It melts away eventually but I just have to ride it through.
So here I am, back in Nati, trying to figure out what's next. I want to move to Chicago but not before I save up so money. So Flippin' sick of being broke!!!! I'm too old to live like a college kid but too young to live like a hermit. See my prediciment?

Any suggestions?

Same Great Taste

It's been quite a long time since I have last written or updated or checked in. I have left my first true love along the wayside whilst I ventured into the great world trying to find myself? And what did I discover? No matter the locale, time zone or proximity to the Nightlife...you are who you are. Two years. Much has happened. I did the hardest thing, the thing I thought I could never do. I packed my shit and left Home. I survived. I earned my Masters, I lived truly on my own, I survived and I grew up. Here I sit, 'tho, in my old bedroom. I have decided to move back while I try to figure out what's next. NYC was fun. It was cool and I can always say that I "did it". I moved away and survived life in The Big City. I didn't get chewed up, I didn't get spit out. I lived my life and touched a few lives along the way. I have things that I feel good about. I am now trying to figure out Step Two. I have Faith it will come. Until then, I have come back home, come back to my life in this bedroom and back to my first true love, Words. Sorry I left you for so long. Can you find it in your heart to forgive?

Who Am I,

JOCARDO