Those Moments

There are things that one can hear, by chance, that have an impact on thoughts floating around in one's mental atmosphere. I have had a hard time as of late wrapping my head around moving back into this space. Existing in space that was previously occupied by a Jocardo that doesn't exist anymore. It is hard moving back after being gone for a couple of years. At first, I felt like a failure because I decided that I no longer wanted to do the NYC thing. Technically, I am not a failure. I completed my program, graduated with my Masters degree and experienced things that have helped me become more complete. I just held close to my heart the excitement and joy that I finally got out. I left my hometown behind and was this new and exotic person. I thought that is what made me fun and interesting. The guy that would visit from NYC. Now I am back and I am no longer a Visitor, I am a Resident. It's a hard transistion but through Grace I persevere.
Now I sit at the Cincinnati Public Library, Main Branch Downtown, writing. I have spent the last week cooped up at my parents, minus the times I went to: 1) Lunch with my Mom and Sister, 2) Ran an errand for my Mom or Sister 3) Picked up my Mom and/or Sister and 4) Job Interview. Two years ago I sat here with Jess, studying for my ever important certification tests for NYC. Yesterday gone, today remembered.
My mother keeps asking me whats wrong. She says that it seems something is not right. Of course, she would be 100% correct. I don't want to be in Cincinnati. I am afraid some of my specialness has gone. I know, silly, but it is how I feel. I'm 33, living at home and feeling quite stuck in the mire. I need to pop out of it and bty Grace, I will. It is just where I am residing now. I haven't really talked to Misc. back in NYC because I really don't know how to explain how I feel. Sometimes I just get like this and I just get stuck. It melts away eventually but I just have to ride it through.
So here I am, back in Nati, trying to figure out what's next. I want to move to Chicago but not before I save up so money. So Flippin' sick of being broke!!!! I'm too old to live like a college kid but too young to live like a hermit. See my prediciment?

Any suggestions?