Boyfriend of the Day: Camera Shy Mr. Clean

Oh, my camera shy Lovely, Laundromat Lover.  We met at the Broadway Laundromat in Riverdale and our love was like a (laundry) Soap Opera. We glanced at each other over the washing machines and when either of us would catch the other's eye, we would look away coyly. He went to the change machine, I went to the change machine. He would add fabric softener, I would add fabric softener. We finally came together over the rinse cycle.  We chatted, we talked and we planned our future together.   We both wanted kids and a big house with a LARGE laundry room. Our washing machine would be industrial size, with an extra spin cycle and a our dryer, OUR DRYER, would be most special dryer in the world.  Our clothes would be the cleanest, the freshest on the block.  We enjoyed our time together and then sadly, Camera Shy Mr. Clean did the unforgivable.  He put darks and lights together. TOGETHER! I couldn't believe it. I am not a racist, by no means, but when it comes to clothes I believe the colors should be separated.  Colored and White clothes should not mix, ever!  He couldn't understand my philosophies and called me archaic and old-fashioned.  I am from the old-school Kentucky and I can't change the way I was raised.    My mother separated the Whites and Colored and, gosh darn it, I will too!  You know what happens when you start color mixing? You get pink underwear! Pink. Underwear!  Because we couldn't get over this fundamental disagreement, we had to go our separate ways.  I will look back on our relationship fondly and every time I feel the vibration of the spin cycle....I will think of our laundry love affair.

Boyfriend of the Day: Jazz and Coffee

 

You're going to have to take my word on this one.When this guy stood up, his pants fitted him very well and I immediately noticed his assets. This is Leo, my cool jazz and coffee boyfriend that I dated for the three hours that I sat in Starbucks. He was kind and sweet and we had such wonderful moments together, sipping tea and eating Starbucks pastries. We met when I rushed over to grab a table and he was sitting in front of me, next to the outlet.  I shyly asked if I could use his plug and he let me know his socket was mine to share, albeit a little loose.  It was a wonderful three hour relationship, my first since moving back to the city.  Miles Davis-esque music played over the speakers and we were truly, madly, deeply in love. Until that fatal moment when he declared that our relationship was like Starbucks coffee and I aghast responded, "Burnt and Bitter?" I was outraged and stormed out but enjoyed our time together.  Maybe one day we can be friends but as of now, it's too fresh and I need my distance.

Putting the (k)Y back in NYC

 JThe goodbyes were hard. There were many people that I didn't get to say goodbye to or see and I did some of those for self preservation. Goodbyes are hard and if you flip back through jocardo.com(I love that I'm a website!) you will see that I feel that I spend a good portion of my life saying goodbye to people that I care about. It eats me up every time I do it. So, you ask, why do you keep doing it? Why do you leave? I felt that my time in Cincinnati was done. I'm like a giant, gay Mary Poppins who needed to move on to people that needed me more. This time, little kids that are in need of good teachers to lead them along the way. There are so many people that mean so much to me in Da Nati. The Librarian and his lovely wife, Ronckytonk. Two people that I love more than words can say. Roncky, my oldest friend and The Librarian, a big fan and supporter and someone that I can count on as one of my best friends. Curt came back in my life (with his whole crazy crew) and I had friends like I haven't had in a long time. The Hotness Known as Jacks and her husband, The Hotness Known as D-Mick.  Two new, old friends.  I grew close and became involved, something I hadn't had in Cincinnati for a while. I got to see my grandma and uncle and it broke my heart. My grandmother is going through some illness things that have her scared, so I ask that you pray for her. Outside of my own mother and sister, I love her more than anybody on this Earth and as she sat there crying it broke my heart. She did feed me (like Grandmas do) and loved me and hugged me (like only grandmas can) and it was sad, of the heartbreaking variety. My sister came and saw me before I left and we tried not to cry and failed miserably. As a tiny and hopelessly adorable 3 year old, I begged for a sister and have loved her since before she was born and I am proud to have her play such an important role in my life. I said goodbye to my Dad the way that fathers and sons say goodbye to each other. I said goodbye to friends and then I was on the road. I made it safely here, with mother and car (and a bunch of shit) in tow. My mother and I had a fun weekend, shopped (like only a mother and her gay son can) and we enjoyed each others company. The moment I dreaded most was saying goodbye to the most important person to me on Earth and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. We rushed a hug, and another and another, we said our tear-filled goodbyes and then I was alone in NYC.
Being back here is an adjustment but it's happening faster than I thought. I know that when I drive, I don't signal, I just go. I don't spend to much time with long explanations because people stop listening. But unlike last time, I'm not going to lose my KY-ness. I'm still going to be polite and caring and slow. And laugh and wear clothes that aren't as fashionable and continually say No soy Dominciano (o Puertorriqueno) soy de Kentucky. Mi Madre es Irlandés y mi Padre es Negro.  Comprendo Espanol un poquito pero leo espanol bueno"  and people still won't understand.  I have an accent (which I think I don't but everybody else here does) and one girl said "You sound like you're from the middle of nowhere...like Chicago". Only New Yorkers would think Chicago was in the middle of nowhere!  People will continually ask me where I'm from and I will say from Kentucky (God's Country) and they will ask questions like:

Does Kentucky Friend Chicken really come from Kentucky? Yes.  What ocean is Kentucky near? The Ohio River
What language do they speak in Kentucky? Kentuckese (Hillbilly is also an acceptable answer...and yes these are all questions that I get here).

I will get use to the dirt and grim and I will worry about my car and get stuck in traffic and curse at the noise at all times of night and marvel at how so many people can be jammed packed into such a tight little area.  I will have my heartbroken by the poverty of my students and I will get laughs at their frank (and quite astute) observations about life (theirs, mine and others). I will fall in love (hopefully and get a serious boyfriend) and I will live, here, in Gotham.  I will continue to be amazed by the smallest things and ignore obvious things. I will love myself and be the only me I know how to be. I will bring KY Pride to the NYC and I will miss and love you all...both as a whole and individuals. I will still say please and thank you, I will still speak my broken Spanish and have native speakers not understand a word I say. I will enjoy great food, and great movies, and great friends. I will hang out with Missy and Devin and Elizabeth and Jamie and Derby and Tracey and Sage and Moody and Val and a whole slew of people I haven't met yet. I will talk to my Momma and Quiche everyday (along with Jeanie and Johnny) and miss them all but make it through the day anyway.
I will move forward and keep writing and creating and loving.  I will worry that my tumor is growing back and stare at the HOT Dominican Men and Puerto Rican Men in their tight shirts and I will love the fact that I am no longer the only Brown face where ever I am.  I will love all the varieties of hot and attractive men in this great city...and will love every minute of my time back here in NYC but never forgetting the KY.

Day 1

I sit here, naked, freshly showered (with the new Coco Butter Dove. It's FABULOUS!) so reflective (not glistening but reflective) so I had to sit down and write (myself a letter). So much has happened over the past 365 days that it is almost unbelievable.  I went from having one kiss on my last birthday (thank you Josh King) to having more play than I ever had in me ENTIRE 20's (thank you random assortment of hot boys!).  I have had a (benign) brain tumor discovered (which was a giant source of cockblocking!), Buttercup has exploded (sort of only to get bigger), my oldest and dearest best friend has married my newest and (one of my most cherished) best friends.  I have fallen in love (not really) to being humiliated (all the time), I have gathered one of the most eclectic and eccentric group of friends.  I have discovered a friend that I never knew I missed but now know I can never live without ever again (I love you, Traveler) and have discovered that not only am I not an ugly duckling but I am desired.  This year has been filled with ups and downs, fights and arguments, hostile take-overs of Ewing Oil, Falcon Crest Vineyard, Denver Carrington and ColbyCo.  I have done a lot, my children, over the last 365 days....seen a lot, kissed a lot, touched (many things) a lot and finally, after 34 years on this Earth, I, Jocardo Edward Ralston, have had a whore phase.  I have gone from not having any tattoos to being (semi) heavily tatted.  I have had said hurtful things and been a bad friend but I've also comforted and been there for those in times of need.  It's been a year folks and all I can say is....you ain't seen nothing yet. No. Literally. You ain't seen nothing yet because I'm still in the process of distribution rights with both Vivid and Red Light District for a cut of the sex tape.  The scandal will break shortly.  Thanks to you all for being here with me...the good, the bad, the hot, the cute, the not so cute, the not so cute but I'd do anyway and...You. Yeah. Especially You.  I haven't written in a while and I am going to try to keep up both Jocardo.com and The Buttercup Diaires Blog (and podcast).  I use to write everyday but now, not so much.  That's gonna change.  I have too much to say to be quiet and as I prepare to leave again (and most likely establish my life out of The City) I have to keep you updated on the boys, the girls and the fabulosity known as Jocardo aka Cardo aka Buttercup aka Bitch aka Me. I used to end all of my blogs with a question, which was Who Am I.  This time it's going to be a little different. I am going to end the blog with an answer.

Who Am I?

I am Jocardo and I am blessed beyond anything that I could have hoped for because I am loved.!

Besos!
xoJxo

Catharsis (part 1)

I had a dream a while ago and it is fading from my memory rapidly but I remember the warning it carried because I carry it with me everyday. It had rabbits and a few other animals in it and they were all over the place. When I interpreted my dream, it was a warning. A warning that my own behavior was going to get me in trouble. And this weekend it did....
Without going into too much detail, I took what could have been a beautiful moment and turned it into something tacky, trivial, embarrassing and lewd. And this feeling that I have now, this horrible guilt, is nothing compared to the thought that I really hurt a dear friend.
And then I put myself into another situation last night where I allowed myself to be debased and it feels absolutely icky (on a sidenote: Icky has the reputation for being such a childish word when in all actuality it is the perfect word to describe the awful sludge-like feeling I have).
I have never been one to believe in confession because no man on this Earth can offer to cleanse me of my transgressions but it does help to talk (or write). As a theatre person, catharsis is something we strive for and this is my act of contrition. Not in the fear of damnation but for fear of losing myself and becoming something I have tried all my life not to be.
(to be continued...)

The Buttercup Diaries #3

1. ALLO!
2.Shoutouts: Corrina Young, Tracey Plummer, Brian Wylie, Clifton Comics, Stephen Struharik
3. Add me on Facebook, Follow me on Twitter @ButtercupSays and my fanpage on FB "I'm Proud To Be A B-Cup".
4.Recap: Filthy @ Subway (The Librarian and Ian Barger), The Rabbit Hole (Douchebaggery at it's best), C&D (KFrey, The Librarian, Rockatansky, Tim Lachut), The Black Eye Peas Concert (Live Telecast @ Showcase Cinemas)
5. Ramblings, Rants and Raves: Lent is over! Roderick's Birthday Party (Ohio River Water Recipe), Being Gay and Christian and "I don't care what you think about it!", Oh Salmon Joke, If You're Going to Quote Leviticus read the WHOLE chapter 1st, Princess & The Frog, Bloom Where You're Planted, Fag
6. Current Events: Healthcare Reform, RNC Gets Busted at a Stripclub, Tiger Woods, Craziness in NYC after Auto Show
7. Current Reads: Horns by Joe Hill (finished), In The Woods (Tana French), Justice League: Rise and Fall, Chew, Captain Swing, American Vampire, Green Hornet
8. Things to Do: 4/4 @ The C&D on 4/23 with The Librarian, KFrey and Seb Love
9. Song: Hats & Cats by The Fruhstucks
10:Email me Jocardo@gmail.com, Add me on FB and Follow me @ButtercupSays
visit: Jocardo.com, Racecarproductions.com and download on itunes! PASS IT ON!

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The Buttercup Diaries #2

1. HAPPY BIRTHDAY RONCKYTONK!!!
2. Shoutouts: Heather Burr, Justin Eckstien and Elizabeth Sorrell.
3. Overview: Went Down The Rabbit Hole and met Superman and his
sidekick, The Cockblocker! Adonis-One of the 50 best? Really?
4.Tattoo Update: Mario at Lambadi City Tattoos. May 19th-Bring it!
5. Clarifications: Last podcasts joke should be Frank Ghery NOT Frank
Lloyd Wright. Sorry.
6.Ramblings: Gay Christians, Gay Republicans (Blecch), FB Salmon Joke,
Diabetic Strippers and Def Leppard, The KY Kid from The Real World,
Stage Fright,
7. Music Spotlight: The New Models feat. Output Message (remix by Evan
Scott) Label: RaceCar Productions
8.Current Events: Local Teen Appears on '16 & Pregnant"; Washington
D.C. Pushes Bill to Fire Teachers Who Have Sex with Students; American
Consulate Employee and Spouse Killed in Mexico
9. To Do: See the Freedom Center 'Without Sanctuary' Exhibit; 4/4 at
C&D 1714 Hanfield featuring The Librarian, Tim Lachut and Rockatansky;
See The History of Invulnerability at the Cincinnati Playhouse.
10. What I'm Reading: Horns by Joe Hill; Dracula by Dram Stoker; Into
the Woods by Tara French; The Blackest Night (ongoing in the DC
Universe)
11. Visit: Impactdash.com, Ronckytonk.com, Racecarproductions.com,
Jocardo.com
12. email me! Jocardo@gmail.com Tell me you love me or hate me or want
to be my boyfriend. Add me as a friend of Facebook!
PEACE OUT!

The Buttercup Diaries #2

You must be a sadomasochist if you came back for more. You disgust me, you sexy pervert!

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